New funny daily jokes

ENGLISH JOKES

CLASSROOM JOKES

t was oral examination in the standard two. The class teacher asked various questions to the students. She asked Tom, ‘Can you tell me a name of an animal that starts with alphabet ‘E’?
Tom replied ‘ELEPHANT’
Teacher asked him again to name an animal that starts with alphabet ‘T’.
Tom replied ‘Two Elephants’
Teacher asked him the same question.
Tom replied ‘Ten Elephants’
Annoyed teacher, asked him name an animal that starts with alphabet ‘M’
Tom replied ‘Mother Elephant’
The angry teacher repeated the same question.
Cool Tom replied ‘May be an elephant’
Teacher asked the students to tell the most common word used by students in a classroom.
Suddenly a student got up and said “Can’t Sir”!
Brilliant! You are right, the teacher said!

Johnny asked to Sam what they will do that night.
Sam said “we will flip a coin”
Then Johnny said “If it comes head, we will go for movies. If tails, we will play cards, if it stands on edge, we will study”!

Teacher asked the students to tell the importance of the year 1809.
John stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was born”
Then teacher again asked the students to tell the importance of another year 1819
Then Sam suddenly stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was ten years old”!

Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Africa?
Johnny: Sun
Teacher: Why?
Johnny: We can see the sun all the time, but can’t see Africa.

Teacher said the students to convert the sentence “I killed a person” into future tense.
Suddenly Johnny stands up and said, Sir the future tense is “u will go to jail”!

One day teacher asked Sam that did his father help him with his homework.
Sam simply said that “No, he did it all by himself”!

Little Sam (on phone): My son is having high fever and he won’t be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Little Sam: This is my father speaking!

Son: I am not able to go to school today.
Father: what happened?
Son: I am not feeling well
Father: Where you are not feeling well?
Son: In school!

Teacher announced that “students, we will have only half a day of school in this morning.
All the students said “Yeahh”
Then the teacher said “We will have the other half this afternoon”!

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Because of the sign on the road.
Teacher: What type of sign?
Student: The sign that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”!

Sam: Dear sir, I want to ask you something.
Teacher: yes Sam, ask me, what do you want?
Sam: Sir, do you punish anyone for something they did not do?
Teacher: No Sam. Why should I?
Sam: Thank you sir. That’s a relief. I haven’t done the homework.

Math Teacher: Sara, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?
Sara: A Headache Madam.

Teacher to student: “Make a sentence using the word “I”
Student: “I is..”
Teacher: “No that is not correct, you should say I am”
Student: “Ok. I am the ninth letter in the Alphabet”!

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                                                                                   SCARY JOKES

 

What is a ghost’s favorite dish?
Ice-Scream!

Where did ghosts love to swim?
The Dead sea!

What did Dracula said about her new girlfriend?
Oh, she is my love at first bite!

How can you identify a ghost’s mom and dad?
They are transparents!

What kind of music ghosts love to hear?
Spiritual music!

Where did Mummy ghost take her baby ghost?
To the Day‘scare’!

Why don’t we see a bat alone?
Because bats always like to hang out with their friends!

Which sports vampires love to play?
‘Bat’minton!

Witches do not like to buy flat hats, why?
Because flat hats have no point on them!

Skeletons did not get the permission to play music on church, why?
Because they came without organs!

You can make a witch itch, how?
Just take out the ‘w’!

Why did the doctor called Dracula to the hospital?
Because Dracula owns a mobile blood unit!

Teenage ghosts love to dance with what type of music?
Soulless music!

What did the ghost gifted to his girlfriend?
Precious tombstone jewelry!

Why did the skeleton went to the Xmas party alone?
Because he could not find any ‘body’ to accompany him!
One of witch’s best friends is very good at cricket, who is he?
A bat!

Where did the ghost went to post his mail?
At the Ghost office!

How did the host suddenly turned to a scary one?
Just a letter ‘G’ is added!

Why did the police arrested the ghost?
Because he does not have a haunting license!

Why all the witches like to wander on brooms?
Because the vacuum cleaners are too expensive for them!

What do you call a skeleton that is always sleeping?
A lazy bone!

Dracula is a good artist, why?
Because he can draw blood well!

What was the topic in ghost’s seminar?
“Do you believe in people”?!

What type of trees ghost like more?
Ceme-trees!

The ghost’s new house has all rooms except one, which room?
The ‘living’ room!

Which is the favorite ride of baby ghosts?
The roller-ghosterr!

What was ghost ordered in the coffee shop?
Cold coffee with sugar and scream!

What will you say if your find a witch in a desert?
The Sandwich!

A ghost’s ship will never sink, why?
Because it always floats in the air!

What is the favorite dog breed of Dracula?
The blood hound!

Why did the skeleton feared to cross the road?
Because he has no guts!

Do you know how to reach the new apartment of Mr. Ghost?
Yes, just take the first right and go to the dead end!

Who is the ghost that lives in the Town Hall?
Oh, it is the night‘mayor’!

Salesman to Mrs. Monster: Ma’am this is a good book, it will definitely help your husband to get ahead.
Mrs. Monster: Oh thank you. But I don’t think he needs this. He has already got two heads!

During the Halloween party, the first prize for the best costume is given to a little boy. But he seems very unhappy. His friend asked him why he is so sad. The little boy replied that “oh, I just came here to pick up my sister”!

What is a witch with poison ivy called ?
An itchy witchy !

What’s a cold, evil candle called ?
The wicked wick of the north !

What is evil, ugly and black and goes round and round ?
A witch in a revolving door !

What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside ?
A witch dressed as a cucumber !

What happens if you see twin witches ?
You won’t be able to see which witch is witch !

Why did the witch give up fortune telling ?
There was no future in it !

Why did the baby witch smile when she came out in blotches ?
Because it was an ‘appy rash !

What does a witch get if she is a poor traveller ?
Broom sick !

How did the witch almost lose her baby ?
She didn’t take it far enough into the woods !

Why did the stupid witch keep her clothes in the fridge ?
She liked to have something cool to slip into in the evenings !

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